Tag Archives | Rejection

The Secret To Connecting On A First Date

Happy Relationship Cherries

There’s a lot of advice on the internet about first dates and most of it sucks.

The problem is that most advice doesn’t address the underlying reasons why people have bad first dates. I’m hoping to change that with this article.

I was like you. I used to have a terrible time with first dates.

Before the date, I would get nervous. I’d worry about every little detail: what should I wear, what if we don’t have fun, what are we going to talk about, what if I run out of things to say, etc.

If you couldn’t already guess, this mental ‘preparation’ led to some pretty awful first dates. The whole process became stressful and was anything but fun.

So I went online and tried to find out what I was doing wrong. Some of the stellar advice I found included tips like: dress casual, be confident, and turn off your phone.

Wow, my life was forever changed. All along my phone was sabotaging me. Thank God for the infinite wisdom of the internet.

Obviously, none of this advice helped.

I continued to try my luck, but once you’ve had a few bad first dates, the problem only gets worse. I became even more nervous, had even worse dates, until eventually, I had enough.

I gave up dating. I was through wasting time and money, only to be left feeling miserable.

It wasn’t until I gave up dating that I realized the secret behind why some people consistently had successful dating experiences, and I couldn’t have a good date to save my life.

Continue Reading

The Zero Date Decade

Photo Credit: Ian Sane

The tears began to well up in her eyes before she started into it.

“We have to talk.”

That was all she really had said when I’d walked in the door from work. She motioned me into the living room as she took her place on the couch adjacent me.

The room seemed to want to crush inward with tension, like a pop bottle that has all the air sucked out of it instantly. The inevitability of this moment had been winding its way toward us for almost two years by my count.

She spoke and of course you needn’t be a mind reader to figure out most of what came next. Fortunately I was of the same mind. I guess no one had wanted to say it until now but she had mustered the courage before me to just get on with it. An eleven and a half year relationship blew apart in a matter of minutes, and seemed very much like an exploded diagram you’d associate with engineering illustrations like patent documents. The various pieces which were once whole uncoupled and seemed to float apart before us in space, never again to be whole.

Continue Reading

How to Deal with Rejection

Graffiti depicting rejection.

The cause behind most online dating disappointments is rejection. No one likes being rejected and depending upon your level of sensitivity and commitment to online dating, the regularity with which you are plagued by feelings of rejection may be occasional or quite often.

However, rejection is inevitable — both in online dating and “traditional” dating. It cannot be avoided. Even the most eligible matches have experienced rejection; it is part and parcel of leading any kind of life that doesn’t involve hiding in a cave, living a hermit-esque existence and cutting yourself off from the world.

With that in mind, your success in online dating is partly attributable to how well you handle rejection and how quickly you bounce back from it. In this post I want to explore why online dating rejection should be nothing but a minor road bump on the journey to finding your perfect match.

Continue Reading

Should You Kiss on the First Date?

Young couple kissing

Online dating can be a pretty nerve-wracking experience and the first kiss is certainly no exception — quite the opposite.

It is a key moment — will your match return the kiss or duck away? Even if your match does like you, is the time right?

That last question is perhaps most likely to cross your mind on the first date. As I have previously said, I think that the second date is the best time to kiss — if you’re not going to kiss by then, it’ll probably never happen. But what about beforehand — should you kiss on the first date?

Continue Reading

How to Reject Someone

Stop Sign

Rejection is rarely much fun for either party involved. It’s never nice to be on the receiving end and is awkward and unpleasant to dish out for most people.

However, it’s not really something you can avoid (nor should you). Continuing to engage with someone on a dating site with whom you have no intention of taking things further is a far more cruel thing to do than the rejection itself.

So with the above said, how should you reject someone on an online dating site?

Continue Reading