Guys, how many times has your girlfriend, wife, or female friend said something to you that’s left you feeling more than a little puzzled? I’m guessing hundreds, thousands, possibly even millions, right?
Well the bad news is that a lot of what we say (or don’t say) gets misinterpreted by you, which in turn leads to arguments, sulking, and a ban on all your favorite bedroom activities. We all know about the famous ‘Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars’ book and I guess when it comes to conversation it’s true. Our questions — and reactions to your answers — are a bit alien at times.
With that in mind, I thought I’d treat you to an inside explanation of some of those well-known phrases that seem to confuse and bewilder even the brightest of sparks. Prepare to be educated!
“I Really Like You As A Friend…”
It’s the age-old debate; can women and men ever be just friends?
From our point of view, yes! And if you hear this phrase it probably means we enjoy your company and value your opinions and sense of humor. It is, of course, also a nice way of us letting you know that we’re not physically attracted to you. So please don’t make it awkward by coming on to us.
Ask any girl and she’d love to have a male friend/brother figure to hang out with, drink beer with and watch sports with. And guys, if you’re thinking about hanging round hoping we’ll change our minds and fall into bed with you, don’t waste your time. It’s never going to be Dawson’s Creek; we really do just want to be buddies.
“It’s Up To You…”
This is a bit of a loaded phrase, so be careful!
Admittedly, sometimes us chicks can be a bit complex (‘No!’ I hear you exclaim). If we’re planning a date, choosing a movie, or booking a trip away and we utter these words then beware! We already know the response we want to hear, and no, it’s not, “Let’s stay with my mother for the weekend,” or, “Let’s go meet the guys at McDonalds.” It’s basically a test to see how well you know us. We don’t even do it consciously, but most women will admit that they say it to gauge the response.
Top Tip – never, ever confuse, “I don’t mind,” with, “Whatever.” The phrase “Whatever” indicates an unparalleled level of pissed off-ness with something you’ve said, done, or are about to do. So think again and amend your decision carefully. Similarly, if you ask us, “what’s up?,” and we say, “Nothing,” don’t just shrug, smile, and accept it. “Nothing’ is always ”something.” And it’s usually something pretty big.
This is usually said with a suspiciously huge smile when you are off to a bar with the guys or going on a bachelor weekend to Las Vegas. Again, it’s got a bit of a loaded message.
We do genuinely mean, “Have a great time,” but we also mean, “Don’t have such a great time that you forget about me.” Because, yes, we do worry like that. Oh, and just a quick reminder, don’t bother to use the, “Sorry I didn’t call, I had no battery/signal” line – we use it ourselves and we know what it means. A two-minute phone call or message if you want to ease our worry and remind us you care is always appreciated.
“Your Squishy Tushy Is So Cute!”
If your other half says this to you it’s because it’s true. It doesn’t mean, “Get down the gym Homer Simpson mark two.” We genuinely love all of you, every single (wobbly) inch. And nothing is sexier than a guy with a bit of timber to wrap around us and make us feel protected. It brings out our inner girly side.
Now I’m not saying ditch the healthy eating and exercise regime – there is a fine line between manly beefcake and couch potato – but don’t get too hung up on achieving the perfect six-pack. It’s your imperfections that make you unique, and we love yours as much as you love ours.
Warning – please don’t use this as an excuse to slap our booty and jiggle our thighs while telling us you like a woman with meat on her bones. This will never be appreciated. Never. “Your curves are so sexy,” or, “real women are so sensual and beautiful,” are both extremely acceptable.
And this leads me to the classic…
“Does This Make Me Look Fat?”
Unless you’re Fred Flintstone, you’ve probably noticed us girls are self-conscious little souls. I bet even Mila Kunis has ‘fat days’ where everything in her wardrobe makes her feel like a hippo in a tutu.
All we want from you is reassurance that you like us and we look hot. Because when we feel good we like ourselves, which in turn makes us like you. Lots. And we all know what that means, right?!! And if you’re ever tempted to offer ‘constructive criticism,’ don’t be blunt (“Jeez girl, can you breathe in that?”), be sweet (“Honey you look great, but I always love you in blue as it makes your eyes sparkle.”). Yeah, we know deep down that’s cheesy crap, but we’ll love you for it!
So there we go guys, a little insight into the workings of the ever-so-slightly, crazy female brain. The best advice I can you give you is to listen carefully, think before you respond, and then think again!
Now, go get ‘em!